Calling Women in Tech “Feds”: It’s Just Misogyny in Disguise, and Here’s Why
There’s a pattern to this behavior of calling women in cybersecurity and tech “feds,” and it’s not hard to see what’s really going on. This reaction says more about the insecurity of the men using the term than it does about the women being targeted. Let’s unpack why this lazy insult is really a sign of fear—fear that those they view as “lesser” are surpassing them, and that women in tech are a mirror to everything they’ve failed to achieve.
Fear of Being Surpassed: Nietzsche’s Will to Power
Let’s start with Friedrich Nietzsche and his idea of the “will to power.” Nietzsche believed that individuals strive to assert their power and influence in the world. When men in tech label women as “feds,” they’re reacting to a perceived loss of power. Historically, men have dominated the tech and cybersecurity fields, but as women gain visibility and success, it threatens the control these men have enjoyed.
In this dynamic, women represent a disruption. They are no longer “lesser” in terms of knowledge or skill, and that challenges the very foundation of what these men have believed about themselves and their place in the industry. By calling women “feds,” they’re attempting to dismiss their success as something artificial or externally controlled, rather than accepting the fact that women are achieving what they haven’t. It’s an unconscious way to deny their own stagnation.
Sartre’s “Other” and the Threat of Reflection
Jean-Paul Sartre’s philosophy of “the Other” offers more insight. Sartre argued that when we encounter someone different from us, we often define ourselves in opposition to them. In this case, men who insult women in tech are trying to position themselves as superior by labeling women as outsiders, “the Other.”
But there’s a deeper level at play here. Women in tech act as a mirror to these men, reflecting their shortcomings and unfulfilled ambitions. When these men see women succeeding—posting about tech, advancing in cybersecurity, building personal brands—they are forced to confront the fact that they are not doing the same. Instead of owning this realization, they lash out, projecting their fear of inadequacy onto women. The “fed” label is their way of avoiding the uncomfortable truth: they’re being outpaced by people they once believed were beneath them.
Inferiority Complex: Adler’s Individual Psychology
Alfred Adler, a major figure in psychology, discussed the concept of the inferiority complex, where feelings of inadequacy drive individuals to overcompensate. Men calling women in tech “feds” is a textbook case of this. Instead of acknowledging that women are excelling—often in areas they themselves have failed to master—these men mask their inferiority with aggression and mockery.
By insulting women, they seek to reaffirm their self-worth, not through improving their own skills, but by belittling others. The truth is, they fear that they are being surpassed by those they once saw as beneath them. Their behavior is a reaction to that growing gap between where they are and where they want to be—and seeing others succeed reminds them of their own lack of progress.
Mimetic Desire: Girard’s Theory of Rivalry
René Girard’s theory of mimetic desire offers yet another lens. Girard argued that much of human behavior is driven by imitation—people desire what others have because they see it as valuable. When women in tech are visible, sharing their learning journeys, successes, and achievements, it highlights what these men secretly want: influence, recognition, and mastery in a field they care about.
But instead of seeing these women as role models or peers to collaborate with, they view them as rivals. Girard’s theory explains that rivals often generate hostility because they represent the success and fulfillment we desire for ourselves. These men resent women because they are achieving what the men have not. The “fed” label is simply an expression of envy, an attempt to tear down those who reflect their unfulfilled desires.
Stoicism: The Failure to Control Emotions
Finally, Stoic philosophy makes it clear why this reaction is not just irrational, but self-defeating. Epictetus and Marcus Aurelius both emphasized that we can’t control what others do; we can only control our own reactions. Men who resort to insults like “fed” are failing to control their emotions and impulses. Instead of focusing on their own growth and improvement, they react emotionally to the success of others.
From a Stoic perspective, these men are wasting valuable energy by letting envy and insecurity govern their behavior. If they truly followed Stoic principles, they would acknowledge that the success of others doesn’t diminish their own potential. Instead, they would view women’s progress as a sign that the field is evolving, and that there’s room for everyone to grow.
The Fear of the Mirror
In the end, these men aren’t afraid of women being “feds”—they’re afraid of being surpassed. Women in tech and cybersecurity act as mirrors, reflecting their stagnation, their unfulfilled potential, and everything they have yet to accomplish. Rather than confronting these realities and working to improve themselves, they hide behind cheap insults.
The next time a woman is called a “fed,” it’s important to recognize it for what it is: a defensive reaction from someone who feels threatened, not by authority, but by the fact that someone they once viewed as “lesser” is now excelling in ways they haven’t.
The solution? Drop the insults, stop the gatekeeping, and focus on your own journey. Women in tech aren’t your competition—they’re simply doing the work that you’re avoiding.
